Coping with the death of a loved one is never easy, regardless of how old you are when that loss occurs. For children who lose a parent, however, the effects can be devastating, indeed, and a plan will need to be put in place so that they can learn to accept this part of the life cycle and move on in a healthy, balanced manner.
Understanding Grief
It’s important to understand that grief will be expressed differently by each person, and that there’s no “right” way to grieve. In fact, there’s no specific point at which children should be expected to show signs of having coped with the loss of their parent. The expression, “process of grieving,” is an accurate description of what must take place, since this can only happen over time and is expressed through certain stages of behavior and their related emotions. In other words, grief isn’t a single event; it’s a series of steps that children must grow through in order to come to the acceptance of their particular loss. The philosophy that they should simply “keep a stiff upper lip” doesn’t apply and isn’t an appropriate goal to set for children if they’re going to work through their grief without serious consequences - behaviorally, emotionally or otherwise.
Although you might expect that children will show more signs of grief when the deceased parent was one with whom they had formed a particularly strong bond, that isn’t always the case. In fact, greater emotional trauma may be experienced when the parent/child bond wasn’t strong, simply because there are unresolved issues. In the case of abused children, for instance, exquisite emotional pain may be felt due to the inability to improve the relationship between parent and child before their demise. As a result, those children are often left with feelings of pain and rejection, without the opportunity to somehow “make it right”. Typically, questions such as, “Didn’t mom/dad love me?,” “Did mom/dad ever feel sorry for what they did?,” and “What did I do wrong to make them treat me that way?” will haunt children who have been the victims of abusive parents. As a result, part of their grieving process will include the pain of never knowing the answers to the questions that are the most significant to them. Even if it first appears that there’s a feeling of relief when these children realize that their tormenter is gone, those questions will eventually surface, as well as the pain and feelings of rejection that are associated with them.
Expressions of Grief in Children
The approach to a child’s grieving process will need to take into consideration their age, developmental level and ability to understand the implications of what’s actually happened. Often, they look to other significant adults in their midst in order to gauge the types of reactions that they’re having to the loss. If, for instance, the adults appear to be showing a “strong face,” then children will often react differently than they would to an adult who openly cries. By watching those around them, children will begin to perceive what form of grief is “acceptable”.
Questions - When children don’t understand what’s happening around them, they often hit the adults with a barrage of questions. This is also true in the case of a death - especially when dealing with younger children. Often, the same questions will be asked repeatedly as they struggle to understand the concept of death and how it will impact their young lives. If they’re a bit older, these questions can be their way of trying to accept what’s happened as they work through their disbelief that the parent is actually gone, even though they do understand the general concept.
Shock - As adults, the shock that’s brought about by a trauma can manifest itself in a variety of ways. Children are no different in their approach to something of this magnitude. While some may sob inconsolably, others may show no apparent emotion, whatsoever, appearing to be unaffected by the event. For those adults who are part of their support system, it’s important to remember that this is typically just a way for children to remove themselves from the pain of the circumstances until they’re able to cope with their loss more constructively.
Regression - Don’t be surprised if you find that children who have recently lost a parent begin to show signs of behavioral regression. In order to receive the comfort that they need during this type of crisis, some children will exhibit the desire to be rocked as they were when they were much younger, or to be held quite frequently. Other forms of regressive behavior include separation anxiety from significant adults, difficulty performing tasks that fall within their age and ability range (which they had been performing prior to the death of the parent) and the need to sleep in the bed of the deceased parent. The philosophy behind this is quite simple - children need to be protected and made to feel safe from that which poses a threat, whether it’s mental, emotional or physical. Naturally, they normally turn toward a parent or other significant adult in order to receive this protection. Since these behaviors are indicative of the “protective parent” scenario, it’s understandable that children may seek out these types of comforts when faced with grief of this nature - much in the same way that, when something threatens their security, the first thing they do is call for “mommy”.
Explosions - When something happens that’s beyond our ability to control it, we’re often faced with feelings of anger, resentment, frustration, fear or helplessness. Children, who are even more vulnerable to the effects of such tragedies, will often act out with explosive emotions. Naturally, one of their first thoughts is that they want their parent back, but they know that they’re incapable of making this happen. With no opportunity to change their circumstances, the feelings that are associated with them are often vented through explosive bursts of emotion or negative behavior.
Becoming Part of a Positive Support System
In order to be part of a positive support system for children who have lost a parent, certain steps must be taken that will help them to cope with their loss and eventually move onward. You should expect that this may be a lengthy process, so patience will need to be practiced, if you’re going to be a successful member of the support team.
Practice Effective Listening - One of the best ways for children to work through their emotions is to be able to talk about them with an adult who’s willing to listen - without lots of interruptions - and not react negatively to what they have to say. Even if anger or resentment bubbles to the surface, realize that this is natural and don’t berate them for their feelings. Just as important is the willingness to validate their feelings. For example, if they express an angry sentiment, don’t respond by telling them that they shouldn’t feel that way. The fact is that they do have those emotions and are entitled to express them. Instead, it would be better to say, “Yes, I can understand why you feel that way.”
Learn to Individualize Children’s Reactions - Children are individuals and, to that end, will have their own unique reactions to the loss of a parent. It’s critical, then, not to lump them all together in a compartment that you’ve labeled, “children,” or you won’t be an effective member of the support team. Their lives, experiences and perceptions are all different, and their reactions to the death of a loved one will be different, as a result of those variables. Therefore, you must approach them on their own level, if you hope to be of help.
Incorporate Others into the Support Plan - Naturally, it’s important to implement a strong support plan for children in their home environment. They don’t, however, spend every waking moment at home, so the support team will need to extend beyond those boundaries. Schools, friends and other relatives will need to be involved in helping them to cope with the loss of their parent - as well as anyone who comes into contact with them through extracurricular activities, such as dance class, scouting, sports, etc. If possible, have a meeting with school staff members and other significant people in their lives, so that a solid plan can be established for maintaining positive support for the children - regardless of where they are at any given point of the day. Consistency is the key to effective support, but that can’t be accomplished unless everyone’s “in the loop”.
Be Honest and Forthright - Children, like adults, deserve the truth about the circumstances that impact their lives. While you may approach the situation a bit differently when children are involved, you should still strive to be honest about the circumstances that surround the loss of their parent and don’t tell them “little white lies” in order to protect them from the consequence of pain. They’re already experiencing pain, and if they perceive that you’re not being on the level with them - and they will! - then that will only lead to further pain and some distrust on their part. In addition, they’ll wonder why you lied and will feel that it’s a negative reflection on them. In other words, they’ll think that you didn’t trust them enough to be honest about the situation.
Explain the Life Cycle - It isn’t enough for children to be told that they’ve just lost a parent. Some form of understanding must go along with this, and it’s up to the remaining adults to ensure that this happens in a manner in which they understand. One of the ways to help children understand what’s really happened is to explain the cycle of life to them. In this way, they’ll not only understand that what’s happened is natural, but will also understand that they’re not alone, and that everyone must eventually face the death of a loved one. When a parent is lost, kids often feel as though no-one else can understand, because they don’t always recognize the fact that many other people have also lost a parent. When they look around at their friends who still have both parents, they can feel isolated and - in some cases - even feel as though they’re being punished because their parent has died, while others still have their parents. By understanding the life cycle, this is less likely to have such a strong impact on them.
Invite Questions About Death - There are some topics that no-one seems to feel comfortable talking about, and death is often one of them - especially when children are involved. In order to truly be of help to children who have recently lost a parent, however, you’re going to need to get beyond those feelings of discomfort and invite them to ask any questions that they may have regarding death and its implications. Some approach this type of tragedy from a religious angle, while others choose to present the situation in a more generic way, by discussing the role that all living creatures take in the world, and that their roles will eventually end one day. Regardless of the approach, children should be made to feel comfortable about asking questions, and adults should feel just as comfortable answering them. If you’re worried about not knowing the way to correctly address a particular question, simply be honest about the fact that you’re unsure of the answer. No-one can be expected to know everything, and kids will respect the fact that you’re honest enough to admit the fact that you can’t always answer the questions that they pose.
Stay in it for the Long Haul - All too often, people will gather ’round a grieving family and offer support in the short term, but their show of support evaporates in very short order. Understand that, when you’re the member of a support team - especially for children - it requires a lengthy commitment. Since grieving is a process that can be quite slow, it may take a serious amount of time before children can grieve effectively, accept the loss of the parent and move on to live their lives in a healthy way. If they’ve already had a number of difficulties or losses in their lives, then the loss of their parent is inclined to trigger an even greater degree of trauma, and those who belong to their support system must be prepared to stay with them through the highs and lows - no matter how long it takes.
Children’s Perceptions of Death
Death is perceived on different levels by children of different ages. Since their understanding of death will help them to work through the grieving process when they’ve lost a parent, it’s important that those who surround them know how to relate to them, in order to effectively support them as they work through their grief.
Infants/Toddlers - The most that will be understood by children of this age is that those who surround them appear to feel sad about something, but they’ll have no idea why. Although they may notice that someone significant is missing, they may be too young to be able to link the two circumstances.
Preschool - Children of this age may appear, at first, to understand the basic concept of death, but don’t typically see this as being something “unchangeable”. Since kids in this age bracket often see things in terms of fantasy or magic, they tend to see the separation as temporary and genuinely believe that the person can be brought back from death - if only they wish hard enough.
Elementary School - Between the ages of five and nine, children begin to have a better understanding of death and its irreversibility. Through talking with family and friends, as well as discussions in their classrooms, a more realistic picture of the causes of death and the impact that a parent’s death has on the remaining members of the family comes into focus. The tendency of this age group, however, is to believe that it couldn’t happen to them or any of their friends or family members. So, while they understand it on its elemental level, they don’t carry it to its fullest conclusion - particularly if they’re at the younger end of the Elementary School spectrum.
Middle School - Children of this age certainly have a far better understanding of the concept of death, but are often impaired in their grieving process by feelings of injustice. For example, kids of the Middle School age group often feel that it “isn’t fair” that they should lose a parent, although they do understand that certain illnesses and accidents are responsible for bringing about someone’s death. Problems with behavior are often noted in children of this age when a parent is lost.
High School - These young adults certainly understand death, but don’t often know how to vent their grief properly. They may withdraw or express themselves in violent outbursts, but the healthier ones will tend to seek solace in others. Whether this is a friend, surviving parent, sibling or other significant person in their lives, they’ll reach out to those with whom they feel a special bond in order to find the comfort that they need when they’re grieving. Since the teen years are difficult enough, and a number of them exhibit suicidal tendencies, it’s extremely important to remember that those of this age group still need a strong support team and that their own ability to cope with their loss should never simply be assumed.
Summary
What it all boils down to is that, regardless of the age of the children, they all need to be related to in a kind, understanding and patient way when they’re struggling to cope with the loss of a parent. Although the age and circumstances surrounding their lives will require different approaches, a positive support system needs to be put into effect and practiced by those who are consistent figures in their every day lives, as well as the willingness to continue supporting them for the duration of their grieving process.
Diana L.M.I. Dawson is an award winning freelance writer with 30 years of experience in the literary field. In addition to the recognition that she’s enjoyed through the writing of articles, she has also excelled in the area of poetry, having been named Poet of the Year for three consecutive years, as well as International Poet of Merit. Other awards include the Shakespearean Award for Literary Excellence and the President’s Award for Outstanding Literature. She is currently listed in the International Who’s Who in Poetry, as well as in the Best New Poets of the 20th Century, and is a direct descendent of Alfred, Lord Tennyson.
There’s so much talk about emotional intelligence and how it can promote personal and business success. What is it really? What are its basic tenets?
Emotional intelligence is the capacity to recognize, understand, and manage one’s emotions and that of others. This “intelligent” concept focuses on the role of emotion in our daily lives and how it affects our perception, reasoning, and behavior.
Emotions are pervasive in our daily existence. From the time we wake up to the time we retire to bed, we experience emotions. We can get excited by the news of economic recovery, or we feel upset when our favorite team loses a championship game.
Moreover, we can get lonely when our friend of many years decides to look for greener pastures and we can feel anxious when our child does not go home on time after class.
So really, emotions happen everywhere and anytime. There is no day that passes by without emotions being involved. We experience emotions when we - win or lose, receive phone calls from long lost friends, greet our children good morning, say hello to our neighbors, prepare meals for our spouses, or ride the subway train.
Emotions are just as normal as the rising of the sun.
However, there are times when our emotions can become overwhelming and can negatively affect our functioning. For instance, anger is normal. However, the inappropriate display of uncontrolled anger can be destructive.
Let me clarify this point with a hypothetical situation. Richard, a relatively nice guy who works as a salesman, is married for 5 years with Cynthia. For the past few years, his sales have plummeted due to some unknown reasons. He used to be mild-mannered but lately he hasn’t been the same.
When he gets angry, he just can’t control himself. He yells, bangs the door, throws fits, and punches the wall. In addition, he calls his wife names and puts her down. Eventually, he has physically harmed Cynthia. Due to his uncontrollable anger and physically abusive behavior, Cynthia has decided to file a divorce.
In this example, Richard has failed to recognize his ongoing anger and its associated behavioral consequences. Because of his inability to recognize his anger and consequent behavior, he has failed miserably to contain his anger despite signs that his wife doesn’t want to put up with it. In addition, he has failed miserably to recognize and understand the feelings of Cynthia. How could he? He can’t even recognize his own.
Emotional intelligence can therefore become an important tool at home and at work. By learning its basic tenets of self awareness (knowing one’s emotions), self management (controlling one’s emotions), social awareness (recognizing the emotions of others), and relationship management (social skills), people can make use of the emotion to advance the positive cause of our families and communities.
The right brain controls the left side of the body and the left brain controls the right side of the body. The right brain is the more creative or emotional hemisphere and the left brain is the analytical and judgmental hemisphere. Anything that is new or not familiar to an individual is right brain dominant. Anything that is familiar is left brain dominant.
Along with right and left brain there are different parts of the brain. The frontal lobe controls your personality, the temporal lobe deals with short and long term memory, the parietal lobe is the lobe of the hand, and the occipital lobe, the very back part of the head, controls vision.
There are specific activities that may stimulate the right or left brain.
Activities that stimulate the left brain are solving crossword or word search puzzles, performance of learned tasks, language usage, both comprehensive and expressive, analytical information, problem solving, and recalling new information. Geometric or spatial memory, hand gestures, writing one’s name, classifications of pictures or words into categories, recalling complex narratives, recognizing someone you have met, and name recognition are also all left brain activities.
Activities that stimulate the right brain are emotional issues, the creative process, recalling memorized lists, any unfamiliar event or activity, and holding the attention span. Seeing or feeling different sizes, seeing different colors, attention exercises involving timing, seeing unfamiliar faces, and meeting someone new also stimulate the right brain..
You are not dead until your brain is dead. Your brain needs two things to survive: fuel and activation. Fuel comes in the form of oxygen and glucose. Glucose comes from the food you eat, and oxygen comes from the air you breathe. The normal inspiration/expiration ratio should be exhalation twice as long as inhalation. That is to say - breathe out twice as long as you breathe in.
There are also specific treatment modalities that a clinician may utilize to increase function or activation of the right or left brain. One example is big letters made up of small letters. If you look at the small letters you will fire right cerebellum to left brain. If you look at the big letters you will fire left cerebellum to right brain.
Auditory stimulation (listening to nature sounds, clicks of a metronome, or Mozart in a major key) in the left ear comes up through the brain stem over to the right brain and vice versa for the right ear.
Visual stimulation from the left side in a checkerboard pattern using different colors comes up through the optic pathway to the brain stem and up to the right brain. The T.E.N.S. unit set at subthreshold stimulates large diameter nerves which fire up to the cerebellum and to the opposite brain.
Dr. Michael L. Johnson is a Board Certified Chiropractic Neurologist, one of only 700 in the country, with over twenty years of experience in private practice. He has completed over 850 hours of neurological studies and 3800 hours of postgraduate education. His book “What Do You Do When the Medications Don’t Work? - A Non-Drug Treatment of Dizziness, Migraine Headaches, Fibromyalgia, and Other Chronic Conditions” outlines his groundbreaking work in the treatment of chronic pain and is a national best-seller. It is available wherever books are sold.
The gleam has gone out of the Axis on his desk. Even his pride in the Cannes Lion has waned. Jeff’s agency is on the shortlist for a blue-chip client they’ve been courting for years. Yet as he gazes out of his elevated office, across the silver harbour, his head throbs. His mouth feels dry. The thrill has gone.
Thousands of creatives, suits, planners, managers and directors live their lives focused on the next award, the newest client, the best campaign. We’re groomed and conditioned that way. But what happens when it stops being all there is? What happens when award winning ideas are replaced with questions? Life-altering, soul-splintering questions.
“We are trained in our society to live into, strive for, a future,” says Legacy Coach Sally Anderson. “People seek validation in their self-worth through external goals. But what frequently happens is the goal never quite matches our expectations. Our barometer on our level of happiness is always reliant on external circumstances shifting.
“What,” she asks, “would life look like if how you feel about life was not reliant on something external?” Anderson encourages people to ‘get present’ to three key areas of life: integrity, responsibility, and commitment. These, she says, are the key to freedom and they form the framework for people to live life in the present.
“I am not discounting the importance of achieving goals but I am contesting living in a world which looks like there is always somewhere else to get. Like ’someday’ is the 8th day of the week. To sustain any level of happiness or satisfaction in this life does not, contrary to popular opinion, lie in the achievement of goals.”
Anderson proposes that it’s important to charter your ‘boat’ (you and your goals) in the direction you wish to head, but not be attached to the outcome. This is where most people experience dissatisfaction, for ‘it’ did not meet their expectations. Anderson notes that most people’s thoughts on a day-to-day basis are either past-based or future-based. In other words, we are hardly ever present. This is a human phenomenon.
Daily, Anderson listens to people saying they are “not there yet”, or they’re “getting there”. But she questions ‘where’ are they trying to get to? The fact is, there is nowhere to get to. That “one day” in the future doesn’t exist. This is “it” here and now. The past is but a thought, and the future an illusion, a projection from the moment that is now. But by focusing wholeheartedly on the present, aren’t you running the risk of removing the essential drive - the thrill of the chase, the delayed gratification - that this industry thrives on?
“I work with executives in the creative industries and a common theme is that there is lots ‘to do’, in order to achieve X, Y, Z. Their experiences range from overwhelm, struggle, no freedom, pressure, anxiety. They operate from a state of doing, or trying to make it happen.
“When they look outside of themselves for gratification, they will always be left disappointed. But a life where the individual learns to take responsibility for their state of being regardless of the circumstances, is a different life.
“Imagine living a life where you are operating at peak performance, high energy levels. You are able to de-trigger from any situation within a millisecond, silence the internal destructive voice (I call the ‘inner critic’), the one thing that destroys human potential. You’ve transformed your relationship to fear, and are living in the zone, being the conduit for attracting synchronistic opportunities to come to you.”
All this is possible, says Anderson, when you start living in the present. What role, then do drive, passion, enthusiasm take in this new life? “These are functions of choice. Most people do not know what motivates them to do what they do, nor do they know what they are committed to. In three years of developing my coaching practice I have met few clients who could articulate the core motivators that drive them in their lives,” she says.
“Passion doesn’t lie in something external, nor does happiness. It lies in you choosing it as a way of being, regardless of the circumstances in your life. If you are not clear on what motivates you to do what you do, or to breathe for that matter, how can you live a life of passion?”
In the early years of my counseling I once gave up to eight hours a week in free counseling to a woman whose problems never got better. After about two months of this I called it quits. I now know what I didn’t know then. Free counseling is worth what you pay for it! And counseling that doesn’t lead to healing seldom does much good.
Why? Years ago, a study unearthed a shocking discovery. Those who went to counseling for a problem took longer to recover than those who didn’t! There are many reasons for this, but the most important factor to remember is that we forget 90% of what’s ever happened to us. That means that at best, counseling only treats 10% of our problem.
So what’s the solution? The 90% that we don’t consciously remember is indelibly recorded in our brain. Scientists have shown that if you touch the exact same spot on the brain with an electrode, the memory and all the feelings associated with it return.
Do you see what I see in that statistic? If we can access the feelings that are stored in any traumatic event, it’s much easier to heal the real root causes of our problems and not just endlessly treat the underlying symptoms.
People ask how we get such remarkable results at our Quantum LEAP Healing Retreat. It’s simple. We designed it to go straight to the root problems and uncover them, using feelings instead of memories as our guide.
We use simple, gentle, but very powerful methods to reconnect with the hurts that underlie our problems. It doesn’t matter if the problem relates to marriage, work, bad habits, depression or anything else. Once those core hurts are uncovered — the very things the led to our problems — dealing with them is simple. We ask God Himself, the very God who promised to heal ALL our dis-eases, to heal the pain that was previously unresolved. And He’s glad to do it. Once the underlying core pain is healed, the problems usually evaporate. At worst, they become much more manageable.
Graduation garb has changed radically from when they were first worn.For many years, the color was gray until 1959 when the ACE had a committee on academic costumes review the code and make changes. Then in the late 80’s dark blue was chosen as the color for PhD gowns.In high schools in the ’50’s students had started wearing their school colors for graduations.
In the middle ages, the standard clothing for scholars was clerical garb.The medieval teachers had certain religious vows they took so the clerical robes were their main form of dress.Caps too have changed through the years. The roots for the cap and gown date back to England where they originally were worn and brought over here when the English came to America. In the 1800s, colors were assigned to show certain areas of study but they were only in the United States.
So you see there is quite a history behind the cap and gown tradition that is hundreds of years old. Your teen should be very proud to be a part of such an age-old tradition from high school through college to the graduating class there.Something to be proud to be a part of to show your success at what ever your chosen field is as you continue this
Once you are through, and the gowns are saved for posterity, there is more to pt in your “things I accomplished” book, pictures of your graduation! Do not forget to take shots at your party! Those are memories you will not recapture!Your parents too need to be thanked for all their work in getting you to this point in your life, without them you would not be here at all.
Now it is time to get together with your classmates and put together a time capsule for the future classes that will be here long after you are gone.Pictures, newspapers announcing the graduates, maybe a list of books you have used, and a cd with music samples of the year, maybe a DVD of a tour of the city.There are lots of things you can do to make it interesting.Possibly, in 25 years you and the class can plan a reunion and open it to see the changes in the quarter-century that has passed.You will probably be quite amazed.
Despite major advances in understanding stress, depression and anxiety, most sufferers are still being told four myths about the root cause of their problem.
This raises an important issue: How can you conquer these illnesses if you don’t understand the root cause?
Time to bust the myths and reveal the exact cause of these harrowing problems.
The first myth to bust is that a period of serious illness can cause you to become depressed. This could be anything from a nasty virus that confines you to bed for a month or something far more serious such as loss of a limb, cancers, injury, or heart attack for example.
None of these illnesses can cause depression, anxiety or stress. It’s easily proven. Because millions of people suffer from serious illnesses every year but only around 20% of them will become stressed, depressed or anxious. If illnesses cause mental breakdown, every person who becomes seriously ill will enter into mental breakdown. They don’t.
The same explanation applies to traumatic experience. This could be death of a loved one, loss of a job, divorce or moving house for example. Again, every single one of us will experience traumatic times such as these. Yet not everybody enters into a mental illness, even those who have suffered extreme trauma. Therefore, traumatic experience cannot be the root cause.
Next up is genetics, another frequently given root cause. But it’s completely untrue. There is no proven link between genetics and these illnesses. In fact, rather than genetics, learned behavior from family members who suffer themselves is the only real link to a family-inherited disposition to stressful illness.
I’ve saved the most widely accepted myth until last and I’ll bet you’re familiar with this reason and you may even believe it to be the root cause of your problem. It’s the reason given by the medical community and which has spawned a $12 billion drugs industry to combat it. The myth is of course depleted levels of neurotransmitters in the brain - the so-called “chemical imbalance”.
Neurotransmitters are “happy chemicals” which help to regulate your moods. So, if levels are low, you feel low. To boost these levels, powerful drugs are prescribed. Yes, they boost levels. But let’s ask a question:
Are low levels of neurotransmitters a cause or a symptom?
Well, every human being on earth right now will experience many occasions in their lives when things go wrong and when bad things happen - in short, times when they won’t be their usual happy selves.
During these times, their levels of “happy chemicals” will drop, and life will seem a bit of an effort. So, does this mean that everybody on the planet will descend into an episode of stress, depression or anxiety? Obviously not.
And do you just wake up one day and feel anxious or depressed because levels of neurotransmitters have dipped below the critical level? No. Because that would mean you’d wake up one day and feel great because levels have risen above the critical point. You know this just doesn’t happen, even after taking antidepressants.
And when you’re in the fog of mental turmoil, you also experience physical pain, you cannot sleep or you sleep too much and the feeling of overwhelming exhaustion is also present. But if a chemical imbalance in your brain is at the root, how come you experience physical pain in your legs, arms, and more commonly, your back?
You can see that this is too simple an explanation. This is borne out by the fact that 70% of people who take antidepressants will descend into second and even third episodes of mental breakdown if they stop taking the drugs. This is because antidepressants treat ONE of the SYMPTOMS of mental illness - depleted levels of neurotransmitters.
So what, exactly, is at the root cause of mental breakdown? It’s all down to flawed modes of thinking. Because the only difference between people who experience an episode of mental trauma and those who don’t is because of flawed perceptions and explanations repeatedly performed by sufferers.
The following example describes this more clearly:
Two people suffer the death of a parent. One is absolutely distraught and finds it very difficult to cope and descends into a depressive episode. The other, although sad at the loss, is coping and doesn’t descend into depression. The only difference lies IN THE WAY THEY MAKE SENSE OF WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THEM. The actual event has no meaning by itself. The meanings only lie within the minds of the individuals affected.
To beat anxiety, stress and depression, you need to learn the powerful and effective modes of thinking used by people who don’t become stressed, depressed or anxious no matter what happens to them. Once learned, you will come out of the fog permanently.
Copyright 2006 Christopher Green
About The Author
Christopher Green is the author of “Conquering Stress”, a special program which will show you how to conquer stress, depression and anxiety without taking powerful drugs. For a free e-course please click here => http://www.conqueringstress.com.
In the last few years a new disease called bird flu has gotten a lot of press. Because it killed a lot of birds and people are worried that humans will soon be dying from it as well.
The diseases formal name is avian flu and and some people have gotten the disease, which can be hard to diagnose.
It is usually necessary for doctors to take a swab from the patent’s throat or nose and send it to a laboratory. Either the lab will find the virus or grow it.
If the disease isn’t diagnosed early, it may be necessary to use blood tests to detect it and it can take weeks to get a correct diagnoses.
Fortunately, there is a vaccine which can protect against the disease. If needed the U.S. will distribute the vaccine.
Recently birds began dying of a disease nicknamed “bird flu”. A lot of people began to worry that it could turn into a worldwide epidemic, or Pandemic.
However, a lot of things have to take place before that can happen.
First, a new influenza virus subtype has to appear - one for which there is no human immunity. It must also infect humans and cause sickness. And it must spread easily and without interruption among humans.
One Asian and European version of avian flu meets the first two conditions.
But the third condition has not been met so, at this time a pandemic of bird flu does not seem likely in the near future.
As women approach midlife and menopause one of the things to be on the lookout for is depression. While menopause is not thought to be a cause of depression the two can occur at the same time. What is believed to be a cause of depression is changes in estrogen levels which occur during menopause. It is known that women are affected by depression over twice as much as men and that a family history of depression can factor into this as well.
The symptoms of depression and menopause are very similar and include sleep disorders, hot flashes,fatigue, anxiety, and irritability. Many women associate these symptoms with the changes that menopause bring, but they may be a sign of depression that needs to be understood and dealt with. There is no reason women need to suffer from depression duing menopause. It is important that they accept the physical changes happening to their bodies during this time and work with their doctor to mitigate the symptoms of menopause, but it is alaso important that they realize that depression and menopause can be mutually exclusive and both can be dealt with.
As women approach menopause their menstrual cycles begin to change and start to become unpredictable. This unpredictability of their monthly cycle is a sign of erratic ovulation. Erratic ovulation causes unpredictable releases of the hormones estrogen and progetserone leading to mood swings, forgetfulness, hot flashes and all the other symptoms associated with menopause.
Most women going through menopause feel that they are loosing control of their bodies when in fact it is just their natural reaction to the aging process. This feeling of loss of control can lead to symptoms of depression. As the symptoms of both menopause and depression worsen they start to feel that their is nothing they can do and a feeling of hoplessness falls over them. This feeling of hopelessness is a major part of depression and left untreated can lead to severe depression.
Untreated depression is a major health risk. Researchers have found that depression is linked to an increased risk of heart disease and in some cases it can lead to bone deterioration increasing the likely hood of osteoporosis and broken bones.
The treatment for dperession and menopause can follow a two pronged approach. It is important to treat not only the depression with antidepressant medications and counseling but also to treat the symptoms of menopause as well. Menopause can be treated with hormone replacement therapy where synthetic forms of estrogen and progesterone are used to even out the woman’s hormone levels.
If you are a woman approaching midlife and menopause be aware that depression can be a very real side affect of the changes that will happen to you. If start to see the symptoms of depression it is best to talk to your doctor about what treatment options may work best for you.
Andrew Bicknell is a writer and owner of Depression and You.com. Visit his website for more information about depression during menopause and depression itself.
Have you ever wondered why the things you do to help rid
yourself of stress, anger, and other emotional problems
often act as just temporary fixes that only work for a few
hours?
For instance, do you regularly do any of these things?
1. Drink too much alcohol?
2. Take drugs?
3. Use violence?
4 Over-indulge in food?
It seems good at the time, right?
But ask yourself this question.
“Has it solved the problem(s)?”
The answer is, of course, NO. These things ultimately
create more of the same. Often things become worse due
to their inclusion in your life.
Extremes of behaviour create massive highs and then
lows.
WHAT CAN YOU DO TO SOLVE THIS?
Well, instead of looking to transitory experiences, why
not contemplate using what you already have to develop
feelings of calm and happiness?
If you are willing to accept something a little different
then you will soon be feeling the benefits of using your
mind, body, and breath in a holistic, natural, and healthy
way.
FOCUS ON YOUR BREATH
Used in certain ways the fashion in which you breathe can
really help reduce feelings of:
*Aggression
*Fear
*Anxiety
*Stress
Learn to combine your breathing with mental images
and colours and you will soon be experiencing a dissipation
of long term, pent up, emotional pain and fears.
Give the below exercise a go and feel the benefits.
1. Assume a comfortable position.
2. Breathe in for a four count. Hold for two.
Breathe out for six.
3. Do this five to ten times.
4. Now, as you inhale feeling totally relaxed,
imagine you are pulling into your body a
pure, light blue, energy.
5. On your exhale breathe out a black, heavy,
‘cloud’ of energy.
6. Associate this exhale with your negative
emotional pain. You sense it leaving your
being.
7. All you are left with is the uplifting,
energy ridden, light blue colour in your
body.
Try this in a QUIET environment when you are
feeling weighed down by your negative emotions
and experience an about turn in the way you feel!
(c) Tim Webb 2006
Do You Want To Learn Highly Effective Deep Breathing Exercises And Meditation Techniques That Will Improve Your Health, Focus Your Mind, And Relieve Stress And Anxiety?